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THE END OF THE MOOMBA PARADE

THE END OF THE MOOMBA PARADE

The Moomba parade celebrates Australian communities and culture. Floats (decorated utes and backyard trailers )drive down the main street of Melbourne and celebrate significant historical events like the landing of the first fleet and the driving down the main street of Melbourne by previous year’s floats.

In the end of the Moomba parade there is a float celebrating the children overboard of 2001 followed by the fake pamphlet scam of the 2007 federal election and the death of Azaria Chamberlian in 1980. The tall giraffe floats  celebrate our fear of African gangs.

Representatives of ethnic communities grab at our power lines to fill up their toasters and tvs with our natural resources. The whole parade is followed at the back by aboriginal wheelchair ballerinas to celebrate our ability to celebrate their achievments in sport and cultures in order to ignore their more expensive problems.

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By the time they opened the first Museum of Rap in Fatehpur Sikri no-one could taste, smell, feel, hear or remember it anyway

Cameron Hayes
By the Time They Opened the First Museum of Rap in Fatehpur Sikri No-One Could Taste, Smell, Feel, Hear or Remember It Anyway, 2006
oil on linen
66 x 100 inches
Photo: Hermann Feldhaus
Courtesy Ronald Feldman Fine Arts, New York

By the time they opened the first Museum of Rap in Fatehpur Sikri no-one could taste, smell, feel, hear or remember it anyway

Fatehpur Sikri was a city built by a Mogul king to be a perfect city; but it was on high ground and not near any lakes or rivers, so no-one ever lived there because there was no water. In 2004, the National Bank of India opened the first Museum of Rap there.

All the stars from television, film, and music were expected to arrive in cabs and step out of a painting or a limousine onto a red-carpet conveyor belt. The stars then had fifteen minutes to line up behind and then have their photos taken in a wooden picture of Beyonce Knowles, Justin Timberlake, Tupac, or the cat from Friends. Many stubborn stars refused to take their heads out of their image and stumbled around until they accidentally hanged themselves in the wood.

Outside the Museum of Rap, many entertainers have come to cash in on all the hype. Ten-year-old girls have brought their dancing bears dressed as Madonna, Brittany, and Run DMC. A dance school has opened next door for girls to train their bears using only bells, knives, and scissors. Another entertainer painted many different species of animals with black and yellow stripes, and people pay to see them raped by a real tiger.

Not-so-famous rap stars have brought their own spotlights, and have tied capes to small animals, and are dropping them from scaffolds.

Because the way everyone and everything looked was all important, people lost their sense of smell and needed dogs to smell if food had expired, and homeless people carried bees in glass jars to check if their bodies were decaying badly enough to worry about.

As people’s sight strengthened they lost more and more memory, so musicians were able to do cover versions of hits while they were still on the charts. And many sitcoms were able to use the scripts from other sitcoms the day before.

The empty water pipes of Fatehpur Sikri were used to circulate the same three or four scripts through all the TV studios and hopes of the people.

Orphanages make the best skyscrapers

Cameron Hayes
Orphanages Make the Best Skyscrapers, 2011
Oil on linen
78 x 100 inches
Photo: Bill Orcutt
Courtesy Ronald Feldman Fine Arts, New York

Orphanages make the best skyscrapers, 2011

Orphans make up the best corporations because so many of the people who work in them, especially investment bankers, lawyers, and management consultants, need to win the approval of older men in suits. The more neglected a child is, especially as a boy by his father, the harder he will work as an adult for the corporation.
The rise of conservatism in the working population is a direct result of the increase of absent and negligent fathers.
The Human Resource departments of big companies see a generation of needy workers unconsciously drawn to being patted on the head by rich old white men in suits. HR departments know these people will take work home, work for unpaid overtime, eat lunch at their desk, and adopt the goals and values of the corporation as their own.
Without fathers, these workers still live in the wish fulfilled fantasy world which they and their mothers created. They expect everyone else to know intuitively what they want and how they feel. They believe in blowing out candles, gambling, and throwing money in wishing wells. They pray in front of gym equipment as orphans pray in front of phones that don’t ring for them, empty letterboxes, and taxis that never return their fathers.

In these skyscrapers the elevators only go up. Not to strive to the top through work is to freefall to the bottom. Many workers carry their chalk drawings in their brief cases, and many psychiatrists are sent straight to the top of the skyscrapers to wait for the most successful workers.

 

The rats in the monkey’s cage

The rats in the monkey’s cage, 2011

 

Cameron Hayes
The rats in the monkey cage, 2011
Oil on linen
78 x 60 inches
Photo: Bill Orcutt
Courtesy Ronald Feldman Fine Arts, New York

At the Mumbai Zoo the star attraction is the rhesus monkeys, and because of this, the zoo management has given them the biggest cage proportionate to their size. They are fed the best by the zoo staff and the visitors who ignore the “Don’t Feed the Animals” sign. The monkeys hang on to the ropes and cling to the car tires tied to the bottom of the ropes.

If you throw some food onto the cage floor, the monkeys will lean down from the rope and stretch for the food. The rats lay in wait for the monkeys to leave their rope prisons and to go for the food. They attack instantly and, all together, chase the hungry monkeys back up the rope or up the cage walls. Then you notice the bloodied bandages around the feet and hands of the monkeys, the faces of the monkeys that never sleep, and their stomachs that never get filled. The rats in India are the meanest in the world, and in the zoos they are the fattest. They bully all the animals in the zoos from the elephants to the lions.

This painting is about the many star attractions in the world which are really miserable and under the control of the rats under the surface.

Exhibition at Ronald Feldman Gallery, New York, 6 January – 17 February, 2018

Ronald Feldman Gallery will exhibit a series of figurative paintings by the Australian artist, Cameron Hayes, for his fourth exhibition at the gallery. The paintings evoke the phantasmagoric worlds of Bruegel, but his scenes address the contemporary world. The paintings, some as large as 6’ x 8’, are visually complex, depicting groups of manic figures in absurd scenarios. Hayes’ vision of the human condition is comic and bleak, yet laced with poignance. The detailed paintings reward a close reading.

Join Cameron who will be in New York to attend the exhibition reception.

Ronald Feldman Gallery
31 Mercer Street , New York
Exhibition reception: Saturday 6th January 2018, 6 – 8 pm

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Image: Martina Navratilova versus Chris Evert Lloyd
Oil on linen, 194 x 254 cm

Martina Navratilova’s dad left her family when she was three and committed suicide when she was eight. Her first coach was her stepfather. She grew up in communist Prague where even if you had a father he was horribly emasculated by the government system. In her mid teens, Navratilova took her complicated psychology to the women’s tennis tour of the late ’70s where players were given mops and aprons for winning tournaments.

Chris Evert’s dad was a tennis coach. As the women’s tennis tour grew, it became clear that women playing for money and fame could not compete against an opponent playing for her father’s love.

 

Elmyr de Hory, Fernand Legros and Real Lessard in the Republic of Poyais in 1969

Elmyr de Hory was a prolific art forger. During the 50’s and 60’s he specialised mainly in the fauves ; Matisse, Dufy ect… Fernand Legros was an illegal immigrant from Egypt and a ballet dancer , who with his lover Canadian backpacker Real Lessard sold de Hory’s forgeries to some of the biggest art museums and most of the biggest art collectors in Europe and the U.S. During the 1960s, they proved the fine art world was as brand gullible as any bunch of teenage girls in any suburban shopping mall.

In 1820, Gregor MacGregor made up a fake country called the Republic of Poyais. He opened offices in Edinburgh, Glasgow and London where he sold Poyais real estate and exchanged money for the Poyais dollars his mate printed for him. After months in a boat doing laps of Central America, the few Poyais investors who had survived realised there was no Poyais but refused to accept they’d been duped.


This is Fernand Legros, so desperate for money and so contemptuos of his art buyers he often couldn’t wait for his fake Matisse’s, Duffy’s ect…to completely dry before he showed/selled them to his clients. Here he sells his art to backpackers off a clothes line with one of his young men/boy assistants who he always dressed in expensive suits. To his right is one of the partys he threw with fake celebrities – european royalty.

Here nuns sell fake holy relics in front of their cardboard church. The nuns sell milk from the Virgin Mary with two cows suspiciously grazing behind them along with a Matisse painting by naked women trying to selfie themselves while struggling to include all their fake handbags. The scene is made credible by the velvet rope surrounding it, which is rolled out like electric cable by workmen.


People in Poyais weren’t interested in the painting – just the brand so they showed of their art collection by hanging them on the outside of their houses. To make the crude seem classy, opening champagne arrives in wheelbarrows.

THE EMPTY SUIT. Antiques and collectables, the garage 112 West 25th. St

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detail 1 oil on linen 66″ by 100″
 
On sundays they turn the bottom floor of a building at 112 west 25th. street, New York from a carpark into an antiques and collectables market. In the far right hand corner of the market two men in their 50’s have a stall. One of the men sits on a chair with his knees and ankles tightly together like a primary school photo, the man looks guilterly through a magazine full of womens underwear adds, on his balding  head he has a shiny cheap wig.
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detail 2 oil on linen 66″ by 100″

The other man is thin and sickly and he wears a bright yellow raincoat and on his face he has white powder ,painted on lips and painted on eyebrows. This man is holding a walkie talkie – he couldn’t convince his partner to do the same.
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detail 3 oil on linen 66″ by 100″

Rather than presenting thier antiques and collectables these two men look surrounded and held hostage by them. Deer head hunting tropies look down on them, to their left on a tressel table ;a machine gun, army boots and clothes and a set of boys plastic army men.

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detail 4 oil on linen 66″ by 100″

To their right are racks of gun and –  hunting with gun – magazines as well as comics. The comics all star superhereo men punching up bad guys, bad ghosts, bad machines , bad animals and bad dreams….

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detail 5 oil on linen 66″ by 100″

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detail 6 oil on linen 66″ by 100″

As if by means of explanation for all this crude and confused male parphenalia there is hanging in isolation an empty suit. It is a 1960’s office suit with office shoes polished and laid out beneath it.
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detail 7 oil on linen 66″ by 100″