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The Massacre at Young before it was called Young 1861

The flag cape was established as an Australia icon at the Massacre at Lambing Flat. Our tradition of decorating our most primitive and crude impulses as political action was established there.

The white miners had come from Europe as proven failures at home, they had believed the unverifiable lies of easy gold in Australia and most importantly hung on to the childish myth of their own luck despite the mass of evidence against it.

The gold rush attracted to Australia every half- wit in the world with a belief that they were owed more from the world than they had. The goldminers had invested too heavily that Australia would be their lucky country. Luck being a euphemism for “god loves me more than the next person “. Australian’s fear that they are not lucky and that foreigners would come from overseas to prove it, started at Lambing flat.

Australian’s did not believe – that some of the poorest mothers in the world with only their children as objects of value would sail on broken down boats across oceans to an hour from the Australian coast. so that they could drown their children – for political reasons. The Australian’s who chased Lebanese teenagers from the Cronulla beach tuck shop did not do it for political reasons and the miners who killed and chased the Chinese miners of lambing flat did it because of the completely fragile hope that their specialness/luck existed and that it depended on it not being shared/halved/divided.



Before there was a terrorist in a cake shop everyone was afraid of what came out of the water ; sharks, stingrays, refugees, blue ring octopus ect….Australians grow up believing that they are the lucky country , everything they have is because of good luck, nothing they have is earned so nothing they have is owned. So everything they have is illegitimate –  subject to a change of luck – subject to a change in circumstances.

Before there was a terrorist in a cake shop Australians feared that eventually the unlucky people from the unlucky countries would come and bring their wars, their hunger , their poverty and their queues. A plague of experimented on rabbits; Indian dancing bears , tortured TV animals, baby drowning muslim mothers and card box living Phillipinos can’t be held out much longer by the shark net that surrounds Australia’s waters and the handful of lifesavers that surround Australia’s beaches .


In Australia people are so afraid of the water that they make bridges that go in circles and on those bridges people drag their yachts along the roads, they pile their sealess yachts on top of each other to make luxury seaside apartments looking out on the water they will not sail on.


Before there was a terrorist in a cake shop Australian’s favourite pastime was to tell each other how lucky they are compared to other countries. They hold big raffles where the first prizes are ; the ability to have children, running water, or a free and healthy press. Everybody has a ticket but nobody can tell you where you can’t have a child or turn on a tap and Melbourne has two newspapers and one of them is the Herald Sun. It’s like an old T.V. commercial for Gumbaya Park where you could go to play chasey or do push ups or play totem tennis providing you bring your own totem tennis pole.


Like most criminals and lottery winners Australians have a semi-conscious guilt that they are taking more from the world that they are worth. Rituals that dress up dress up the rest of the world as corrupt are important to us ; Muslims dressed as baby drowners, dolphins dressed as sharks, seventh day Adventists as baby sacrificers , Sudanese kids as the apex gang ect…

Australians are simultaneously bonded and excited by their fear of their coming bad luck , they go to Lunar Park and stand in two buckets of water and are encircled by a carousel of dolphins wearing fake shark teeth and tied on shark fins. After that they can relax in their second favourite pastime – shouting things out of the windows speeding cars at minorities walking on the footpath.

Amongst all the fossil fuels, beautiful beaches , blue skies and all those sheep and suntans Australians can’t fully enjoy their luck – like children held hostage in a chocolate shop.

Even dung beetles eventually realise that there will be plenty of dung where they finish rolling their dung……

The goldfields in the 1850’s were a magnet for everyone in the world who thought they were lucky. People on the goldfields preferred to put their lives in the hands of luck rather than in a plan they thought they could carry out. These people would tell you they’re lucky but really, they didn’t back their ability to succeed fairly.
The biggest problem on the goldfields was that everyone else on the goldfields thought they were lucky too, and like praying for sports results, they can’t all be rewarded. At the heart of every gambler is a question to god “will I be punished for who I am or will I be rewarded for who I am?” So, the miner’s were looking for more than gold. Because there were thousands of sperm against you and only your sperm fertilised the egg, people are born with an unconscious belief in their specialness – their luck. In the middle of the picture there is a racecourse and gamblers bet on a race between babies (pink sperm) rolling big balls of unfertilised (white) sperm along a track all broken up by the constant digging of the earth.
At night, the earth of the womanless goldfields is saturated by the miners unfertilised sperm and at night the miners are terrorised by their dreams of white – unfertilised sperm re-evaporating from the dug-up earth and chasing the miners back into their luckless tunnels. Above the race track a mind reader (the most popular entertainment on the gold fields) performs. The idea that someone can read their minds was proof to the goldminers of their specialness and confirmed an infantile megalomania that convinces gamblers that their luck is greater than anyone else’s.
Above this scene happy fat sheep are being taken care of not by a Sheppard but by a butcher, they’re unable to notice the knives that hang above them.
Prostitutes had a dual role on the goldfields. They were the creators of un-special white sperm, a constant affirmation of the miner’s special pink – fertilised – sperm status. Prostitutes also contribute to the atmosphere of latent rebellion amongst the miners on the goldfields. Goldminers pursue financial success against logic and social class and without intelligence and morality, while prostitutes reward men with sex who are without logic, social class, intelligence and morality.. Winning gamblers corrupt the financial system – prostitutes the social system.
The rebellion against common sense extends into the distance where the miners are tearing down the racecourse grand stand to use the wood to make the racecourse longer. then taking the wood from the only hospital to make a new casino.
The casino is being built on stilts in the river which is steadier foundation than the ground which has been dug up and re-dug up by the miners who keep rolling their dug up dirt into bigger and bigger balls of earth. They are too scare to look into their balls of earth they are forever accumulating for fear of finding no gold in their work, no gold in their mine, no gold in their mother’s womb.



The Moomba parade celebrates Australian communities and culture. Floats (decorated utes and backyard trailers )drive down the main street of Melbourne and celebrate significant historical events like the landing of the first fleet and the driving down the main street of Melbourne by previous year’s floats.

In the end of the Moomba parade there is a float celebrating the children overboard of 2001 followed by the fake pamphlet scam of the 2007 federal election and the death of Azaria Chamberlian in 1980. The tall giraffe floats  celebrate our fear of African gangs.

Representatives of ethnic communities grab at our power lines to fill up their toasters and tvs with our natural resources. The whole parade is followed at the back by aboriginal wheelchair ballerinas to celebrate our ability to celebrate their achievments in sport and cultures in order to ignore their more expensive problems.

By the time they opened the first Museum of Rap in Fatehpur Sikri no-one could taste, smell, feel, hear or remember it anyway

Cameron Hayes
By the Time They Opened the First Museum of Rap in Fatehpur Sikri No-One Could Taste, Smell, Feel, Hear or Remember It Anyway, 2006
oil on linen
66 x 100 inches
Photo: Hermann Feldhaus
Courtesy Ronald Feldman Fine Arts, New York

By the time they opened the first Museum of Rap in Fatehpur Sikri no-one could taste, smell, feel, hear or remember it anyway

Fatehpur Sikri was a city built by a Mogul king to be a perfect city; but it was on high ground and not near any lakes or rivers, so no-one ever lived there because there was no water. In 2004, the National Bank of India opened the first Museum of Rap there.

All the stars from television, film, and music were expected to arrive in cabs and step out of a painting or a limousine onto a red-carpet conveyor belt. The stars then had fifteen minutes to line up behind and then have their photos taken in a wooden picture of Beyonce Knowles, Justin Timberlake, Tupac, or the cat from Friends. Many stubborn stars refused to take their heads out of their image and stumbled around until they accidentally hanged themselves in the wood.

Outside the Museum of Rap, many entertainers have come to cash in on all the hype. Ten-year-old girls have brought their dancing bears dressed as Madonna, Brittany, and Run DMC. A dance school has opened next door for girls to train their bears using only bells, knives, and scissors. Another entertainer painted many different species of animals with black and yellow stripes, and people pay to see them raped by a real tiger.

Not-so-famous rap stars have brought their own spotlights, and have tied capes to small animals, and are dropping them from scaffolds.

Because the way everyone and everything looked was all important, people lost their sense of smell and needed dogs to smell if food had expired, and homeless people carried bees in glass jars to check if their bodies were decaying badly enough to worry about.

As people’s sight strengthened they lost more and more memory, so musicians were able to do cover versions of hits while they were still on the charts. And many sitcoms were able to use the scripts from other sitcoms the day before.

The empty water pipes of Fatehpur Sikri were used to circulate the same three or four scripts through all the TV studios and hopes of the people.

Orphanages make the best skyscrapers

Cameron Hayes
Orphanages Make the Best Skyscrapers, 2011
Oil on linen
78 x 100 inches
Photo: Bill Orcutt
Courtesy Ronald Feldman Fine Arts, New York

Orphanages make the best skyscrapers, 2011

Orphans make up the best corporations because so many of the people who work in them, especially investment bankers, lawyers, and management consultants, need to win the approval of older men in suits. The more neglected a child is, especially as a boy by his father, the harder he will work as an adult for the corporation.
The rise of conservatism in the working population is a direct result of the increase of absent and negligent fathers.
The Human Resource departments of big companies see a generation of needy workers unconsciously drawn to being patted on the head by rich old white men in suits. HR departments know these people will take work home, work for unpaid overtime, eat lunch at their desk, and adopt the goals and values of the corporation as their own.
Without fathers, these workers still live in the wish fulfilled fantasy world which they and their mothers created. They expect everyone else to know intuitively what they want and how they feel. They believe in blowing out candles, gambling, and throwing money in wishing wells. They pray in front of gym equipment as orphans pray in front of phones that don’t ring for them, empty letterboxes, and taxis that never return their fathers.

In these skyscrapers the elevators only go up. Not to strive to the top through work is to freefall to the bottom. Many workers carry their chalk drawings in their brief cases, and many psychiatrists are sent straight to the top of the skyscrapers to wait for the most successful workers.


The race to be the first celebrity: Jack The Ripper versus The Elephant Man

Cameron Hayes
The Race to Be the First Celebrity: Jack the Ripper versus the Elephant Man, 2011
Oil on linen
78 x 100 inches
Photo: Bill Orcutt
Courtesy Ronald Feldman Fine Arts, New York

The race to be the first celebrity: Jack The Ripper versus The Elephant Man, 2011

Because in the 1880’s Darwin had convinced most people in England that the process of evolution meant that the next generation (babies) would make their generation look like monkeys in comparison, people in the 1880’s were determined to celebrate regressive rather than progressive character traits. They wanted to celebrate the parts of people that they considered backward and retarded.

The Race to Be the First Celebrity: Jack the Ripper versus the Elephant Man, 2011 – detail

The local government replaced all the statues of heroes with statues of toilets, irons, and vacuum cleaners. In the afternoon, people lined up along the driveway of the mental home to applaud the new inmates being dragged in. They also lined up along the hospital driveway to watch those maimed in factory accidents crawl to the hospital door. The trail of blood they left behind started the tradition of the red carpet for celebrity arrivals. Many formerly famous people had to make their achievements even more spectacular to keep up with the new disabled celebrities. Dr. Livingstone tried to convince his audience that everybody and every animal he met on his adventures was a cannibal. He did this by starving baby animals and then stuffing the mother’s skins with fresh meat.

The Race to Be the First Celebrity: Jack the Ripper versus the Elephant Man, 2011 – detail

But the more emotionally and physically disabled you were, the more your celebrity became invincible. As more and more machines convinced people that they were becoming evolutionarily obsolete, people became more attracted to the most human of humans: prostitutes, natives, mental patients, criminals, and cripples. The two greatest celebrities of the age combined crime, mental illness and prostitution: crime and mental illness with Jack the Ripper and physical deformity and nativeness (mother squashed by an elephant) with The Elephant Man.

The Race to Be the First Celebrity: Jack the Ripper versus the Elephant Man, 2011 – detail